and i radiate this love,
from my center, on the inside,
like a fairy on champagne

ah, i am so small a person,
should not feel so largely about another, surely?
this person has no breath for me. no speech on me.
it is neither sweet or sour breath that he has not.
but i am so.. taken.
i pray for him, i love him in dreaming.
to him, i would give my whole heart.

and it scares me because i know what he is.
rarely do i let myself care for another because of the past.
but at this point, i care for him. and my heart is in my hands,
which are quivering. i don't want to drop it, and i need to put it away again.

but for some reason, things were telling me, him. and i listened.
this is a bad decision, a great risk.

but i will sit quietly with this love
until i am sure it would mean anything to him.. then i will tell him.
and i will have no regrets on that subject of life.

-Rowєи

Last edited by Rowen on Tue Feb 03, 2009 9:41 pm; edited 1 time in total

I don't know what I want to say. It keeps dancing in my chest,
as if I should be excited that there's a new reason to be depressed.
But there is a focus on the thought, that hands could cup my face,
and my chin, and tilt my mouth up in something tender. Anything tender from him.
He is the only one I would want to feel it from.

I have gathered a thousand kisses and put them in your mailbox, so that you could accept the one from me without being aware. And I would be safe, and you would be kissed.


- Rowєи

P.S.
Good Charlotte sings..

maybe today i'm realizing more and more that we're not meant to be.
but i am so still in love with him. i would still do anything he asked me to do.
i will keep waiting, patiently.

but as i do this, i can't help but feel sorrow for the ones that i've left behind, perhaps so cruelly.

as i write this, this song comes to mind:

R.E.M. - The One I Love

This one goes out to the one I love
This one goes out to the one I’ve left behind
A simple prop to occupy my time
This one goes out to the one I love

Fire (she’s comin’ down on her own, now)

I have confided in a few, and they are so worried about my mental sound.
They don't think I really love him, because in their eyes, who could love him?
They say he's no good for me. That I could do so much better.

But I feel the same about him. He could do so much better.

One day, he'll see it all.
- Rowєи

ugh, why do i even put the label on it?

it's just a feeling. i can make it go away, right? because I tell you, and I mean it -

IT IS INCONVENIENT AS FUCK, and makes me feel like a dumb ho.

When you love some one who has met a million girls like you.. can you imagine what that's like?

You're just another girl. What makes you any different, huh?

How do I know they didn't really love him as much as me? I don't. All I know is that they aren't part of the picture anymore.

If I want him, I'm going to have to fight for him. This isn't a freaking fairytale. He is a beast, and I'm far from anything beautiful.

- - Rowєи

i like passion. the problem is that i am stupid.

i am a slum. they are slumming. but this slum has shut its doors.
- Rowєи

Shall I die, shall I lie, shall I be shot through the sky as I fly into the furnace of the monster?!

- R0w3n.

AmericanSoldier:
Lindz! Who are you hiding from?
Lindzaroo:
The world sir.
Lindzaroo:
It's moving so fast, it appears to be standing still.
Lindzaroo:
And I'm like...AH, where do I enter?!

Life is a lot different these days.

I've only got about 25 minutes before my roommate gets off work and we go get our nails filled. I'm getting used to them. I'm getting used to making a concious effort to be... more pretty. For the first time since I was 13, I've put color in my hair. It is horrid adjusting to; when I wash it it feels gummy like barbie doll hair.

I should get a hobby to feel the empty spaces in my time. The internet is not a hobby and neither is movie watching.. Maybe I'll start learning to play guitar again, even though it would probably be difficult to play with acrylic nails..

There are so many places I want to be, and people I want to give love to. But I can't be there all at once, and that's frustrating.

I was watching Ghost Town the other night. Tea Leoni said this:
We just get the one life, you know. Just one. You can't live someone else's or think it's more important just because it's more dramatic. What happens matters. May be only to us, but it matters.


Seems to be the theme of this year's lesson.

Sooooo. I feel like I've met my bestfriend.

howcrazyisthat,sinceialreadyhaveazillionBFF's?!?!

ANYWAY. I'm on the road, on the hotel computer ATM, the keyboard sucks and keeps switching to capslock.

I see my hunny in three days.... ooooooooh, yes.

I think we're going to take a roadtrip in a couple of weeks, west.

It will be awesometown.

Rowen wrote:ugh, why do i even put the label on it?

it's just a feeling. i can make it go away, right? because I tell you, and I mean it -

IT IS INCONVENIENT AS FUCK, and makes me feel like a dumb ho.

When you love some one who has met a million girls like you.. can you imagine what that's like?

You're just another girl. What makes you any different, huh?

How do I know they didn't really love him as much as me? I don't. All I know is that they aren't part of the picture anymore.

If I want him, I'm going to have to fight for him. This isn't a freaking fairytale. He is a beast, and I'm far from anything beautiful.

- - Rowєи

LOL. that wasn't love.. that was just me thinking i was immune to the dumb ho'ness.

Not defined by a relationship.